Cut Me In Half

I found this at fatsparrow, and died laughing!

And now for the bad news…. Sorry once again for the slack bastard posting, but on top of the sinus infection….

WARNING! MEN WILL CRINGE WHILE READING THIS!

….I now have a yeast infection from being on the antibiotics for so long, and on top of that, I had suspected I had a bladder infection, and now I know for sure because it’s turned in to a fucking kidney infection. I have to call up my doctor tomorrow and beg and plead for them to fit me in first thing, if at all possible. That’s assuming I survive the night without ending up in the emergency room from the pain. Oh, and then there’s the chest pains, the tingling in my left arm, the heart palpitations and the feeling that I’m being strangled when I lay down to sleep. Nothing to worry about I’m sure.

The Spouse Sparrow is beginning to suspect that the only reason I have come down with all of this at the same time so I can get House assigned as my doctor. He may be right, but it’s entirely subconscious on my part. Honest. I just worry that I’d get that poofter Chase assigned to me. Fuck that shit, bring House in. I’ll demand that he looks at me while I’m naked.

I can just picture it now, me waiting patiently on the clinic exam table, playing with my nipples, as House comes in….

House: “So what seems to be the problem?”

Me: “Well, I started out with a recurring sinus infection, my regular doctor put me on antibiotics, I got a rash under my ginormous diddies, got a cream for that, got a yeast infection, got a bladder infection, and then got a kidney infection.”

House: (raises eyebrow, looks bemused)

Me: “So which would you like to look at first; the diddies, the yeast in my beast, or a urine sample?

House: (turns pale) “I think we’ll let Cameron consult on this one.” (starts to walk out the door)

Me: “Come back here, you coward! What kind of man are you?! Is that cane just for looks, or are you using it to mask your penis issues? Hello? Hey, come back, I have insurance you know!”

Ah well, you get what you pay for.

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